As I sit and stare at the blinking curser I wonder if it's all even still worth it. Adelita's Way is playing in the background and I can't find the words for any story. Have I run out? No! There are so many ideas, so many stories to be told, yet I can't find the right words to write.
I've begun so many stories that sit on in my folders, all of course nicely organized, and I read through some of the chapters and go, "Nope, not feeling it." Will I ever feel these stories again or will they remain on my hard drive for all eternity? Maybe it's just a slump? Maybe I'm just meant to take a break? And yet, when I think that and plan to distract myself with housework, motherhood, taking care of my body, the entire time my mind wanders back to the stories. I continue to watch the characters move about - but I don't do anything about it. I just sit and stare at a pretty teal wall envision all these happenings and the love these characters are sharing, somehow though, I don't find the words or even energy to write everything down.
Here I sit.
Consumed by television. Music. The chatter of my children. I'm frustrated. Frustrated with myself. Frustrated with my mind. Frustrated because I want to write. I make time and suddenly I'm faced with frustration of not finding the words I'm intending on writing. I decide to read someone else's magical words. Nothing. My mind can't even concentrate on that. Frustrated about being frustrated. Does that even make sense?
I would love to find authors who struggle. Every morning I wake with the thought - I will get my children off to school, the husband off to work, clean my house - prepare dinner in the crockpot - and then, then I plan to sit and write for hours. I have 8 hours of a beautiful day - so much could be put into a book and then I'm left with abso-fucking-lutely NOTHING. Blank Space. And pinterest, let me tell you - doesn't help. Instead, I drool over some sexy human beings, perfect for stories, and yet again, BLANK SPACE!
There's really no point to this blog posting except - my lack of facebook, my lack of stories, is due to a battle with my own brain.
Do I want to give up? NO! Should I? Maybe?!!!